I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
