I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
