upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
