Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
