Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
