I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
