i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
