Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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