You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
