I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
