U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm at about main and main street
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
