Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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