I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
