I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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