Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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