And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
