Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
