The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
