he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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