My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
