Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
