I'm really into asian looking animals
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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