Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
