worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
