just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
