dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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