Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
