Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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