I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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