Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
