i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
