So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
