so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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