Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
