What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
