drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
