he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I intend to get homeless drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
