Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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