If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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