he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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