Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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