I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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