omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
