They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
