Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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