We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
