I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
