His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
