toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
