I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
