no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
