someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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