He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
