So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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